5 years, 14 days, 12 hours, 7 minutes and 14 seconds to this time, this day, I fell in love with you.
They say true love happens at first sight, and though the first time I saw you….well I can’t even remember the first time I saw you…well that says it all….but the love I feel for you, the love I love you with, is the “truest’’ and the purest , truer than the love Romeo felt for Juliet, truer than what Paris felt for Helen of troy, or what Davy Jones felt for Sparrabeth.
Every day after that day was lived for you. You were the reason I wanted to wake up every morning, you were the reason I went to sleep every night, just so you could be mine in my dreams. Every breath of mine whispered your name, every thought was about you.
I would see you in school every day and pine for you. You sat next to me in class, made it all the harder for me. I could not push you away because it would only crush me, but again your presence near me, but not near me, crushed me all the same. The way you flicked the strands of your hair behind your ear, the way you wore your hair, open and tousled, the way you laughed, the way your voice sounded, the small and short touches, however unconscious they were, your big, beautiful eyes, your pale and soft skin, they way you blushed when you got a little embarrassed, I loved all of it. Just hearing your name, seeing you would light me up inside like a thousand fireflies. It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it.
But that was as far as it went. I never got the courage to tell you how I felt about you, how I feel about you. I just remained your friend, who you called up when you were sad and needed cheering up, the friend you called up at night, talked for hours, talking about your boyfriends, complaining about them, telling me how your day went , asking me how was my day, and then cut me off in the middle and start talking randomly. I loved that too. No one can do random like you do. The times you would fall asleep on the phone and then ‘sleep text’ me at ungodly hours of the night……I loved that and I miss that.
Being that friend for you was enough, till now. Now that you have stopped talking to me after I confessed my feelings for you, feelings I had kept bottled up till today, I am lost……… lost in my own life.
You were all that I seeked in life, all I ever wanted, all I ever needed. . I had dreamed of us getting together, and staying together for the rest of our lives. And since you have chosen not to be with me, I cannot imagine living in this world without you. Every part of my life for these last 5 years reminds me of you, and I just can’t bear that pain, it hurts bad. They say, to forget about pain you put yourself through something more painful than that. But nothing and nobody can make me forget about this, about you.
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| Sharang Ahuja |
